Drop worry over what should be

No doubt, you have concerns over what should be occasionally, just as everyone does. When life isn’t fair, you feel disappointed, let down, upset even, yet, could it be that changing your opinion, by ditching the word should, could reduce inner turmoil?

People develop views about how life ought to be and how they want to be treated via experience and what others teach them. At times these opinions, which are usually moral in design, highlight how to behave and suggest what ideally can be expected from others. However, taking them literally rather than using them as potential ideals, or guidelines, brings unhappiness and emotional struggle.

No doubt, you’ve noticed that when people say you should behave a certain way, you feel all manner of negative emotions; shame, guilt, rage perhaps. Shame and guilt stem from fear of rejection and abandonment, or maybe disappointment about not living up to the standards of others. Rage may flow if you disagree with demands and recognize a loss of self. By expecting you to do their bidding, others discount your feelings and right to select your behavior.

Demanding certain behavior from others, telling them what they should do, or carrying expectations in your mind about how they ought to behave, may bring disappointment. Since, just like you have a mind of your own, they may not always act in ways you want them to act. You risk alienating yourself from them by applying pressure, and, though they may do your bidding, bitterness could flourish.

More importantly in certain respects, using the word should too often is likely to leave you resentful. Not living up to others standards and them not living up to yours lowers self-esteem. Practicing not using the word should, which will decrease your expectations, removes pressure and prevents animosity.

Another reason to use the word less is to gain a sense of freedom. Should confines people; it restricts individuality. Once you stop thinking you should do this or that, you can decide and choose behavior, not based on the pressure to act, but on the desire to act instead.

While some expectations remain best met, others are opinions rather than genuine needs. Practicing letting should go often will increase your imagination about what’s possible, improve communication, and reduce anxiety.

About bridget

bridget webber

Bridget Webber’s background rests in mental health, counselling, hypnotherapy, NLP and art. She brings knowledge from her experiences into her writing and specializes in emotional wellness and the creation of, rather than search for, joy. You can catch up with her insights and musings on Twitter.

Twitter: @InsightManager

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