You are likely to feel your hackles rise when you talk with difficult people. It’s natural to become defensive if someone is belligerent. Attempting to get your needs met is hard when individuals seem to purposefully hamper your endeavors, and herein lies the problem. The perception that someone is difficult causes resistance resulting in a negative attitude.
According to attraction, any concept on which you place focused emphasis increases pulling power. You attract that which you hope to resist, simply because you pour energy into thinking about what you do not want. Therefore, if you would prefer not to hold a difficult conversation with someone, it’s best to concentrate on thoughts about peace and harmony. Thinking about how uncomfortable you feel will enhance discomfort, whereas thinking about bringing balance and calm into communication will have a soothing influence on events.
Step One: Develop a calm attitude. When dealing with difficult people, adopt peaceful thoughts.
Thinking about tranquil communication is a great start when you manage challenging people. Nonetheless, to radiate positive vibrations, you also need to behave in a peaceful manner. Flying off the handle when you are offended by what people say will boost negativity. Instead of reacting in less than constructive ways, pause. Make a point of stopping when you feel a negative reaction rising in your being. Recognize its existence and allow it to pass. You might benefit from picturing negativity flowing out of your system each time you exhale.
The best reaction you can have during a problematic discussion with someone is to listen and observe. Bear in mind that difficult people are often perceived as such because they have poor communication skills. They might use the language of blame and seem verbally aggressive when they try to make a point, since they don’t know how to express themselves in constructive ways. People who are unable to communicate their needs effectively are usually experienced as being difficult. They inadvertently rub people up the wrong way as they metaphorically flail about in the dark. Thus, they attract confusion and animosity because they cannot articulate their wishes and are frustrated.
Step two: React by listening, while being open to the possibility that difficult people are unskilled communicators who need help to express themselves.
Helping difficult people convey what they want will stop conflict during conversations. Look beneath what is said in order to reveal people’s needs. For instance, imagine that your housemate bangs her fists on the table and tells you to clean the house. If you have just come home from work feeling jaded, you might be upset when you hear what she says. However, instead of shouting back defensively, saying that you are tired, you might examine what she’s really telling you. Upon looking at her words and behavior, you might deduce that she feels unappreciated. Telling her that you can see that she is upset will show that you are considering her emotional state. Additionally, asking if she is upset because she thinks that you take her for granted will help her feel understood, or give her a chance to correct you so that you know what’s troubling her.
Recognizing your housemate’s feelings and gaining clarity about her needs will help her communicate well. In most instances, where people have difficulty expressing themselves, demonstrating that you want to listen and understand will alter their behavior toward you. You will begin to attract smooth, peaceful communication. At the same time, you will no longer perceive them as being difficult.
Step three: Show that you recognize the other person’s emotional state. Look beneath her poor communication to uncover her needs. Ask her to verify or dispute your observations.
Once you understand the needs of difficult people and have helped them express what they want, you can look for a solution if doing so is necessary. There will be times when simply listening to and understanding others is enough to stop them seeming to be difficult. However, occasionally, finding solutions will be in order.
If you want to attract peace and joy, you can look for outcomes to dilemmas that benefit all involved. For example, to manage the case in point fully, you would want to fulfill your need to rest and your housemate’s need to feel appreciated. You might offer to carry out chores around the house after you’ve had time to yourself in which to relax. Alternatively, you might thank your housemate for her hard work and ask her what she would like from you. If she wants to split housework down the middle, you might draw up a cleaning schedule, or pay a cleaner to do your chores for you.
Step four: Attract peaceful relationships by seeking solutions that help you and the other person.
Difficult people automatically attract hostility from others because they express themselves ineffectively. Luckily, you can alter the course of challenging conversations with them by listening, understanding, uncovering their needs and offering beneficial solutions. If your attitude is peaceful and calm, you will attract harmony.