Arguments: How to not have them

Arguments feel uncomfortable or painful, depending on your emotional involvement; not fighting at all is more comfortable. You might imagine some disputes and rancorous conversations are inevitable, but you can alter your perception to change them.

What are arguments?

Most people describe arguments as disagreements, which is true. However, when you stand back from rows, disassociating yourself from the words used, you see them differently. Once you stop examining their content, you notice a clash of energy occurs. One person’s energy meets the force of another’s. When the waves of energy are enormous, the resulting conflict as they run into each other is called war. The objective when peace-making, then, is to prevent clashing energy.

When there’s a potential to argue, you can’t control the other person who is involved. You have power over how you use your energy, though. You can hold the intention to stay rational and calm, seeing peace as the ideal outcome rather than focusing on being right. When you switch your aim to creating a win-win result, the way you communicate changes for the better.

When you meet a massive wave of energy

When people are on the warpath, having wound themselves up with negative thoughts, they produce massive energy waves. They might roll their energy out in your direction, providing an opportunity for arguments. On such occasions, you face a choice; you can build your energy and clash with theirs or let their waves dwindle. Eventually, all waves are drawn back into the calm ocean when they meet no resistance on their paths.

If you don’t create a separate wave of energy for others to clash against, they simmer down.

How to not make waves

You understand clashing against people’s waves creates war but may not realize you can also inadvertently feed their waves. When you feed their negative energy, it builds. The way you might accidently do so is by delving into their problems, helping them wade deeper into negativity.

If there’s a destructive wave heading your way when you want to swim in peace, you don’t join in, adding extra bulk. You leave it to break against the shore and gently return into the mass of water. Occasionally, you may have an urge to prevent people crashing like ocean waves because you know they are uncomfortable. However, you aren’t in charge of their energy and moods. Furthermore, you can only help them when they are receptive. People aren’t amenable when they are riding on destructive waves; they can’t hear you properly until they are calm.

Consequently, you can avoid arguing when people are unreachable by allowing them to simmer down naturally. When they are calm, they are rational, and you can have a constructive conversation. If you crashed against them or joined in with them, though, you would be in for a hard time, and an argument would be inevitable.

Not all arguments are bad. It’s possible to disagree with people and find middle ground, gain insight, or sway another’s opinion. However, you can only achieve your aim when both parties are calm enough to think clearly. If you don’t want to have arguments, you can give others time to release negative energy and meet them when they are receptive. Likewise, when you communicate you can do so with the intention, not to drown anyone with your emotional energy or be drowned, but to find a peaceful result.

About bridget

bridget webber

Bridget Webber’s background rests in mental health, counselling, hypnotherapy, NLP and art. She brings knowledge from her experiences into her writing and specializes in emotional wellness and the creation of, rather than search for, joy. You can catch up with her insights and musings on Twitter.

Twitter: @InsightManager

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